What to Wear to a Nudist Beach

What has been your experience of a nudist beach?

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Earlier this year, just as the hot days of summer were beginning to dispel, my boyfriend and I somehow happened on the topic of Nudist Beaches. I was heavily into researching things like Body Image for university, so I met the suggestion with some intrigue.

In the process of ‘googling’ where we might find one of these beaches, we also came across some websites with information on “acceptable Nudist Beach etiquette”, some of which I found quite amusing.

There are of course the obvious suggestions like make sure it’s actually a nudist beach before you strip, leave your zoom lens at home, don’t run off with all your friends’ clothes, remember it’s a beach, not a hotel room and get dressed again before walking back to your car. But some other faux pas intrigued me. Ladies, we’re supposed to leave our sexy wear at home – this is basically an all or nothing deal, the Elle McPherson panties are a no, no. And gentlemen, if you’re feeling too excited, apparently the best thing to do is sit down. Not lie down, and certainly not stand up and walk around. And lastly, trim down, because hey, if you’re naked you want to look as good as possible. This one didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me – surely the idea of nudism is a return to the natural state of things?

So one day the two of us packed a lot of sun block and headed out to Lady Bay at Watson’s Bay, where it was immediately apparent that I was going to be the only lady there. The main demographic found at Lady Bay was slightly older gentlemen, clearly trying to rid themselves of a society with rules, and return to a more natural and unconfined way of living. However none of them seemed to have read the “sit down if excited rule”.
I wore a sundress, a bikini and a large red hat, and only managed to get half naked – I’ll leave which half up to your imagination. The occasional ferries going past at a slightly uncomfortable distance were a little unnerving, not to mention the fully clothed dude on a speed boat trying to sell us ice-cream. Furthermore, the children looking over the fence at the top of the stairs kept asking their awkward-looking parents why all those people were naked.

What did I gain from the experience? Well, it was something different to do, and I’ve decided that for me, people in general look better with clothes on. But I might be willing to try it again, it’s always a reality check to know everyone has funny tan lines, or slightly saggy parts, or strangely shaped hips. I believe this is what they call the “human condition”.